I guess the real question is this: Where are T. and I gonna go on our first vacation? And what will the dynamic be like? I feel like it's gonna be kinda awkward, right? Because we'll be mega used to traveling together on her tours by now. But this time there's no itinerary or whatever. So it's just up to us to figure out what we want to do and when we want to do it. And what if we're just super boring and sit in the hotel room all day facing room service and watching pricey movies and I'm chillin' but she's like, "OMG, worst vacation ever! You're dumped!" Dude. That'd literally be the end of me. Yikes.
Does anyone know what T. eats on? Trying to figure this out. I bet she's pretty healthy, right? Like not a vegetarian, but also not trying to go in on bacon cheeseburgers four times per week. Right? Right? I think it'd be fun to go to the ill Thai spot with Taylor and we'd get the ill noodle dish and try to eat it with chopsticks but I'm crazy bad at using chopsticks and it'd be cute and adorable and we'd giggle about what an incompetent buffoon I am and. Sigh. Taylor.
I'm from Dallas, right? Yea. Thirty or so minutes from Fort Worth. My moms used to take my sister and me to the Japanese Garden at the Fort Worth Botanical Garden. So tite. Mad koi fish swimming around being fishy and the such. And you can buy fish food from these dispenser things and feed the fish. And they'll jump right out of the water and eat the food out of your hand. Whoa! Imagine the Taylor Swift Shocked Face that Taylor would make when a fishy little fish wrapped its fishy little mouth around her fingers in order to get at some stinky fish food. How adorable!
Dude. Know who definitely knows Taylor Swift? Skeet Skeet! Yung Skeeter! Dude's tite with pretty much every girl I've ever wanted to know. Sky Ferreira. Katy Perry. Sky Ferreira. Sky Ferreira. Sky Ferreira. Ke$ha. Katy Perry. Sky Ferreira. So I feel like he must know T. So maybe I can get my friend Ezra to introduce me to Skeet Skeet. And then we'll become BFFs. And he'll introduce me to T. And I'll become her BF. And 13 and I will live happily ever after.
Today we take a break from talking about dates I'd like to go on with Taylor Swift. Instead we'll be talking about how I'd like y'all to stop talking about whether or not T. got breast implants. Because honestly, does it really matter? She's perfect. Always has been, always will be. If she got a bit of surgery done, great. Perfect before, still perfect after. And if she didn't have any work done, great. Perfect before, still on course to be perfect forever and always. Chill.
So I was talking with King Turbz the other day and he was all, "Bro. I'd say you have an outside shot at ever going on a date with Taylor Swift." Which I thought was pretty cool of him since most people assume I have quite literally no chance of ever even meeting T. But the scary part is. I mean. Taylor and I haven't yet gone on our first date and I'm already running out of date ideas! Whoa, crap! Anyways. Mad people have told me, "OMG, walking across the Brooklyn Bridge is a great date!" To which I was always like, "LOL, nah." I mean really? Outside? And walking? But seriously though. I'll try anything for T.
So the other day I got burgers and fries and shakes with James C. of Tubetops fame. The burgers ended up being crazy expensive and I felt really bad for recommending the place but whatever it's not my fault James isn't a multi-platinum ultra-rich rapper by now. That's on him. Anyways. Afterwards we caught some Vice documentaries at some movie theater or something. And they were totally, entirely, awesomely awesome. Really crazy stuff. Really interesting stuff. Really mind-blowing stuff. And I was like, "Dang, this would've been a great date for me and T." I mean, Taylor's been all over the world, right? But she stays staying in swanky hotels and the such because she's crazy rich and successful and etc. But 13's a good girl, so I'm sure she'd be fascinated by tales of the world. Right? Right? Yea. Perfect date for me and T. Swift, but I wasted it on stupid Tubetops. Jeez.
So two or so weeks ago I got a little bit too drunk. And I threw a little bit of a temper tantrum. And it was a little bit unattractive. So I thought to myself, "Alright, bro. Maybe you should chill with the drinking for a short while." And you know what? It's been great. And I think it'll really help my relationship with 13. Says Swift, "I don't really like drinking. I'm not like, 'Man, that's my favorite thing to do.' And I don't drink to get drunk, because that's just not cute." You know what, 13? You're right. Like why do I even drink in the first place, you know? Mostly because I wanna meet total babes, but I'm too scared to chat with them if I'm not tipsy. But what's the point of chirping at babes if I know deep down that T. is the only one for me?