Know what the best part about Taylor Swift is? It's not her songs. It's not her smile. It's not her bod. It's not her cat. (It's probably her cat.) It's not her face every time she wins an award. (OMG! Me?! Really?!) It's not her wardrobe. (It's definitely not her wardrobe.) It's that she never makes a stupid pouty face in pictures. You know? The one where you look like a grumpy, mischievous, promiscuous duck? Maybe a closed mouth, serious, piercing stare every once in a while. But never a duck. Thank goodness.
Eating is really important to me. Like really, really important. Because I'm fat, lazy, etc. Because I'm an American. But know what I like even more than eating? Eating total garbage. Just stuffing my face/stomach with terrible, nasty, vile, delicious things. And I don't have standards. McDonald's? Love it. God, I love it so, so much. Subway? Yea. Awesome. Totally friggin' awesome.
Anyways. What I propose (no, I'm not proposing to 13 just yet) is that Taylor and I go on a road trip. From coast to coast and back again. Simply to eat all of the fast food imaginable. Shake Shack here, In-N-Out there. We'll pretend like we're not gonna go to Chick-fil-A since they're terrible people and all. But, uh, let's be real. I'm weak of will, weak of spirit, weak in every capacity. I will cave, I will eat Chick-fil-A, and I will feel like a horrible person because of it.
Most importantly, Waffle House. Holy hell. Yes. Waffle House. If T. and I can get through her watching me eat Waffle House then we can surely get through anything.
I think the fact that I use a NOOK may be a deal-breaker for T. Because look at her. Listen to her. That girl's a reader. I'm not tryna say she's real deep in the book game. But I bet she's skimmed AGame of Thrones, Angels & Demons, and other such nonsense that even a dummy like me can struggle through. But 13's 100% a book reader. Like not an e-reader reader. Like actual books with actual pages where you lick your finger to get better traction when you turn it and all that jazz. And I kinda feel like she might be relatively anti-NOOK. Which may pose a problem. Now I hope I'm wrong. But I fear. I fear for our relationship. Our future. All I wanna do is curl up on the couch with T. and read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban separately but stop to discuss at the end of each chapter, you know?
Do you ever find yourself wondering, "I know Taylor Swift loves cats, but does she like dogs too?" Yea, me too. Because there are so many people out there that love, love, love cats but hate, hate, hate dogs. (And vice versa.) But I just don't see T. as one of those folks. She's such a sweetheart. Such a loving, caring soul. There's no way she's mad at pups, right? Let's get to the bottom of this, y'all.
So summer's almost over or is over or something, which of course means that it's almost sweater season! Yay, sweaters! Cardigans and hoodies and sweaters and sweaters and more sweaters! Taylor and I are gonna frolic around in the woods (I don't even like being outdoors, I only go outside because I think T. likes it) in our ugly matching holiday sweaters then come back inside and drink hot chocolate and lay on the ground on our backs and pet our cats and giggle about nothing. Oh man, I'm killing it at being in love.
Do you think Taylor Swift's ever really listened to house music? Do you think she has any clue that trap is a "thing"? Do you think she has time to fart around on the internet? I kinda think her main source for new music is the radio. Probably satellite radio, but still. Oh man. I bet 13 calls all dance music "techno." She does, doesn't she? It usually annoys me when people do that, but it's cute when it's T. Right? Right?
So it's 11AM and I'm sitting naked on my couch drinking water with Airborne because, well, that's what I do at 11AM pretty much every morning. And Jersey Shore is on and I'm like, "OK, yea." And Snooki's getting punched in the face and I'm like, "People are so rubbish. Jesus, I hate people so much. Who punches a girl in the face?!" I'm just so over this world, you know?
But then. Commercial break. VMAs tonight. And are you serious with these Taylor Swift performing live at the VMAs commercials?! OMFG, ZOMG. Chills. Down my spine. Down my extremities. If that commercial were one second longer I would've died of happiness. Like is that even a thing? No idea. It's just so epic, you know? Like are you serious with the flashing text and 13 holding her guitar up in the air and the crowd roaring and the best song ever blaring? Too much. Way too much.
PS - Taylor Swift is the exact opposite of Sammi Sweetheart, right? Like the actual perfect girl v. the most imperfect girl of all time? Right? Right?